Current mood:	nostalgic
Current music:	If you Could Only See - Tonic

The Evolution of Cool
After twenty minutes of ridicule about my royal blue suit I found a perch in the darkest of corners and began to count the grooves in the wood panels that lined the basement walls. '432 grooves, 4-3-2' I thought; and '221 knots 2-2-1'. '4-3-2 2-2-1. 4-3-2 2-2-1', I thought repeatedly; this distracted me from the roar of laughs. As my mind wandered I thought, 'my mom said I looked handsome!'

Before leaving the house that night, my mom ensured me that I'd be the finest young man there, even warning me to not be kissing many girls "He he heeeee," she laughed. She couldn't help but to giggle, telling me that my dad was wearing a similar outfit on the day they met; a comment I now notice as the kiss of death in contemporary fashion. But in 1985, it filled me with excitement and assurance. So when Mrs. Francis arrived to drive me and my buddies deep into the fast, scary city, I plowed in her minivan with confidence. For this night was significant, I thought, a first for me and my friends. We were about to embark on a party unlike any party we'd attended before. No cake or ice cream, no chaperones, and no games. Music, dancing, and women! Not 10, 11, or 12 year old girls? 15, 16, 17 year old women! Aaron promised there'd be women!

Aaron and I were buddies throughout elementary school. Our parents were neighbors and co-workers. Aaron and I terrorized the neighborhood of Fort Dupont for years. The hum of our matching Green Machines sealed the fate of many unsuspecting pedestrians. We were pretty tight. We actually cried when my family moved away in '83; although our moms kept in close contact in the passing years. "Aaron's playing football!" "Aaron got all As!" would often echo through the walls. It was our parents who orchestrated this reunion, which would become a defining moment in my existence.

I found out that Aaron took a different path than me after my family's move. I was enamored with comic books and video games when he gravitated towards social events and sports. His ascent in the social pecking order was huge; this New Years Eve shindig was party paramount at his school; even gaining acclaim in the older socialite order of my old neighborhood. I had the opportunity to mingle with cool kids. Older kids that understood the lyrics in Indian Girl, smoked cigarettes, and cursed! And must I include?this was my opportunity to meet women! I donned my Sunday's best and was off. 'Yes, this was to be a supreme evening indeed', so I thought.


I could only scan the room, when my eyes would lock with another's, I'd sheepishly bury my head in my chest. The laughter had died to a murmur after Aaron came to my rescue "He's from Hillcrest" he confessed "he don't know how WE do it." Phrases I little understood then; and still don't for that matter. 'So I'm some retard suburbanite, light-years behind the hip, teen, urban crowd' I realized. Twenty-five minutes in and this party blew. The buddies I came with had abandoned me for a Nintendo game system in the upper bedroom not five minutes after we entered. I didn't leave. I couldn't leave. I may have been a retard. I may have been from the suburbs. But to leave?to cower would have sealed what they thought. And possibly, if I sat there unaffected by the snickers and condescending looks, I would somehow, someway appear cool. So there I sat. 4-3-2 2-2-1. 4-3-2 2-2-1, hoping the time would pass and I'd find myself back in the soothing little enclave of Hillcrest.


Then she appeared.

To be honest, I don't remember if it was four hundred thirty-two grooves or two hundred thirty-four -or any number for that matter- in those wood panels. I don't remember if it was Super Mario Bros. or even NES that I was abandoned for. Maybe it was Zaxxon on Saga or Pitfall on Colecovision; it was 20 years ago. I really don't remember. Although, I remember her smile. I remember the electric sensation that coursed through my body when she asked to dance. I remember the scent of vanilla that escaped from her hair when she turned. And I remember 19 freckles on her left cheek to only 4 on her right. I remember she was beautiful and cool and a geek and she liked me.

So after I stood, she removed my jacket and tie, rolled up my sleeves and unbuttoned the top button of my shirt. She unloosened my belt and tugged a little more material from my waist. She led me to the dance floor and began to dance. I stood in awe fixating my eyes on her while listening to the giggles from the crowd. She grabbed me and pulled me close. With my head on her shoulder she'd lead; spinning and laughing until I joined. The crowd disappeared as I found solace.

We talked about video games and movies and school. I called her beautiful and her brown face flushed red. When older guys would ask her to dance, she'd decline. And when Mrs. Francis returned to cart us home she wrote You're cool on my arm and her number. We'd talk for hours a night.

In June of '85 I graduated from elementary school and insisted on transferring to Sousa Junior High to be closer to her. She graduated from Sousa that same spring, but I hoped that someone there would notice me and say "That's Charlene's boyfriend, he's cool." It never happened; but Charlene would come down after school and we'd hang out before going home. We'd play basketball, sit in the playground, or go to the mall. She'd pick out clothes for me and coach me on girls. She called me her boyfriend, but I knew she only saw me as a friend. I followed her like a puppy dog. I transferred to her high school in '87. She was a senior and I was a sophomore. She introduced me to the cliques and taught me to drive. She'd give me her old homework and would sit with me on trips. We were in the band together. And I think she was my first love.

We shared a kiss in '89; at Aaron's party. She was home from college and wanted to hang out. We were beginning to go apart at the time; she had become busy with school and I understood. I think we both felt the passing of our relationship at that moment. We were joking and laughing like old times; then silence struck and we kissed. When she dropped me off that night she said farewell and smiled. And I don't remember what happened after that.